Take my advice, I'm not using it 📝
The need for options that work no matter the context
In six weeks I've crafted a few rituals to support my newsletter writing practice, but I didn't have any of them with me when I started this edition. I wasn't in my home city, I had three days worth of clothes in a suitcase, I didn't have the equivalent of Sviatoslav Richter's lobster (my writing mug), and then I spent a night in ED.
Absolutely everything was out of sync.
It's all very well having rituals for our everyday existence, but what happens when life looks a bit different - when either we're uprooted, or our environment is - what then? Do we just stop functioning? Well, sometimes... yes. Yes we do. Whether it's on a small or large scale, sometimes it's just too difficult to find 'optimum' or even ‘functioning’ in our available settings.
Being out of sync for the last few days has forced me to revisit a lot of what I've been talking about for the last six weeks.
This edition is now (by my own standards) three days late. I could have discarded it and admitted defeat, but I'm persevering, allowing myself some grace, and continuing to do my best within current constraints. I have to choose a kinder story to tell myself about this 'failing' than the narratives I've reached for in the past, and remember that I am still in the early stages of an experiment.
I've discovered the limits of my writing ritual (it's not portable), so - in the same way that we take cute little versions of travel board games on holiday - I need to design a portable ritual that will generate the emotions to help me write anywhere, anytime.
Part of my 'out of sync-ness' last week related to me testing a prototype of a workshop I'm delivering early November at the annual EMPA New Zealand conference. I'm asking participants for feedback, but am I really ready to catch?
And as I think about the feedback I might get in response to (3), I'm already thinking about the three types of triggers that might prevent me from making the most of the learning that’s offered to me.
I'm still getting used to my new skin, and because I was travelling I missed one of the three things that keeps me on an even keel - my weekly review which I normally complete during an online coworking session with others. But I can also practice acceptance, and remember to check in to my other online communities that keep me grounded.
I'm running on empty. It's ironic, really, given that I wrote about practicing slowing down last week. (I might as well have said ‘take my advice, I'm not using it’).
What does it look like when you’re thriving?
In my Emotional Fitness workshop, designed for those working in crisis situations, we start by identifying the emotions present in our ideal and not-so-ideal states.
Anything can - and often does - interfere with our ideal state. It doesn't have to be an emergency or a crisis, our brains just need to interpret it as one.
The problem with experiencing real or imagined crises is that our nervous system really doesn’t care what we do - it just wants us to move away from the threat. It wants us to feel safe. Research shows us, however, that we solve problems more efficiently and more often when we’re moving towards something we want, rather than something we don’t.
If you're moving away from a threat, any direction will do. If you're moving towards a desired reward, your effort and attention will be fine-tuned to that.
If you want to feel well, focus on your ideal state.
How are you going to get there?
There’s always more than one way to a destination, and no matter where we’re going we get there one step at a time. It’s good to remember this when life is out of sync, but it’s even better to remember it before life gets out of sync!
What works at home might not work when you're in another city.
What works when life is predicable might not work when you're surrounded by uncertainty.
So instead of a detailed plan that’s only good for one context, we need a plan with options - steps we can take no matter what's happening around us. Steps that are simple, accessible moves we can practice.
Is there something small you can do in the next week to vote for your ideal state? If not this week… then when?
Here’s to taking my own advice… 🙇🏼♀️
Kathryn
